What to Write in a Card for a Child With Cancer

You know that feeling when you sit down and are writing a card to someone with illness or grief, a loved i who's hurting? You've picked the *perfect* card, your pen poised over the smooth paper and,allofasudden, you lot simply have *no idea* what to say?

This guide is for you. I'chiliad Grace Quantock and I run Healing Boxes, a bespoke ethical gift box non-profit, designing gifts of back up for people with illness, pain and in life crisis. I am likewise the founder of Trailblazing Wellness, where I teach and write about how to live well with chronic and serious illness. Oh, and I've lived with chronic affliction myself for 13 years.

When I was bed jump and house bound for long periods, cards and letters became my medium of communication with the outside world, and I can't overstate their importance. I've worked with thousands of people to blueprint healing programs and wellness gifts that are *just* right, and I'm excited to share my experience today of what to say when writing a bill of fare to someone experiencing illness or grief.

[Tweet "Writing a Bill of fare to Someone with Disease or Grief. Tips + resources past @Grace_Quantock."]

Writing a Menu to Someone with Disease or Grief

Good Practice

It's useful to differentiate between acute, serious and chronic illnesses. Sending a "Get well soon" menu to someone diagnosed with a life limiting illness may not be likewise received as one which merely acknowledges where they are now.

When I volunteered supporting children in hospice through sending cards/gifts, many people didn't know what to say and simply went with a generic "Get well presently" card. But it was hard for the child if they knew they may non get better, or didn't sympathize why they were still ill.

We don't want to instigate blame (it can be rife in the medicalisation of our bodies), or suggest fifty-fifty obliquely, that someone is being slow to recover.

Just never enquire "Are you better still?" or "Are you OK now?" because it's horrible to be the ane giving you bad news, and have to reply "No". Residuum assured, if they are recovered or in remission, everyone will know!

For someone with a brusk term affliction, "Get well shortly" can be perfect!

For someone with a serious, chronic or life limiting disease, sending your back up at that time might be better.

Don't expect a reply. They may want to reply, only they may accept mislaid your card, or be also tired to get to the mail role. They might have forgotten to reply, or idea they already have if cerebral dysfunction or retentiveness problems are symptoms of their condition. I know I've done that before!

What To Write When

A Friend or Loved One Who Has Cancer

Allow'south address information technology: too often cancer is not mentioned and for years information technology was called "after a long illness". No more.

Don't assume, don't assume, don't assume (the golden rule), and have your cues from the person you are writing to.

Wellness warrior Kris Carr takes the power away from the cancer past misspelling information technology on purpose – cancer becomes "canser". If the person yous are writing to is doing this too, why non bring together them?

Don't mention people y'all know who died from cancer, or who had the same cancer, unless they are now happy, well and in remission with no show of disease years later.

Rather than starting with a question on health, such as "How are you?", information technology tin be a relief to be asked "How are things with yous?" or similar. Let them tell yous about their hobby, the red cardinal they saw, the TV evidence y'all both follow. It'southward important to acknowledge the illness, but non bring everything around to it. Information technology'south there, but they are still the person you know. The disabilities can be the footnotes and they are the hazard story.

Effort offering emotional and applied support. Recollect about what you lot tin can offer, like collecting prescriptions, driving them to the infirmary, sending them a card every week or calendar month (or even every mean solar day if they are in treatment like chemo), walking their dog, dropping off their shopping once a calendar week or like. So offer that also as your support. Saying "Let me know if there'due south annihilation I can do" is lovely, but it leaves the ball in their court. Then they have to think of what they might need done – which is hard when you lot are used to existence able to practice everything yourself. Then they have to try and work out what yous might be able to practice and actually bring up the backbone to ask yous. Exhausting.

If you make some offers, even if they aren't exactly what'southward needed, it allows the person to estimate what level of support you can provide.

Bank check out these helpful resources:

• How I Said Bah to Cancer
• Crazy Sexy Cancer
• The Cancer Journey

For a Friend or Loved One Who Has a Chronic Illness

One of the kindest things you can say here is "No reply expected or required". This is a souvenir as information technology takes the pressure level off the recipient who, while loving getting a menu, may already be feeling the obligation of replying (fifty-fifty only to cheers or to carry on the conversation) but they may be feeling likewise ill to do so.

Keep writing. Too frequently with chronic illness, after the initial "shock" of the diagnosis or accident when there'due south a blitz of support, friends and loved ones drift abroad. They've become used to the person being sick, they have started to move on with their lives without the person being equally agile with them as they were before. Information technology'south all understandable – information technology's exhausting to maintain a perpetual state of crunch, and it's unhealthy. But while you are busy with your life, they may still be hurting, suffering, struggling and at present lonely as well.

Book a date in your diary to write to them monthly or weekly. Ask if they'd similar chatty letters that don't demand a answer. Send interesting things with your cards – a leaflet from a park you visited, a postal service bill of fare of a painting y'all recall they'd dear from the gallery you attended, the orange or cerise foliage your child picked upwards in the park, a photograph from the school play.

Carry your card/letter with you and write to them while y'all are at the bus stop, the dentist's waiting room, while y'all are waiting for brunch to be served at the café. You'll exist taking them to those places too in a very meaningful fashion, and you'll be able to include details of what you see and where you are. A friend in your pocket isn't but a social media app, it tin exist a letter of the alphabet as well!

People used to include each other by mail for many years. Letters are tangible, tactile means to connect someone to the world. Let's keep doing that.

A lovely, thoughtful gift would be to subscribe them to Pretty Past Mail or send them a package of Pretty By Post'south cards, because staying in bear on with support networks is and then important when someone has a chronic illness.

Oft the thought of trying to dig out an appropriate menu, or drag oneself to the shops to try and buy one, is overwhelming. It'southward the same school of thought which says, if yous take flowers to someone who'south sick, have them *with* the vase. Unless they are already in a vase, they can become a pain rather than a pleasure.

And then send cards from you, and some cards to connect with others too. Tin you throw a pack of stamps in yours? I think that would be sweet.

Connecting through cards is great for people with fatigue because y'all can write a little, suspension and take a rest, come dorsum to it on a ameliorate day, etc. It'southward hard to pause and take a nap in the middle of a phone telephone call. Visiting someone in person is great, only it can cost them lots of "spoons", and the internet, with backlit, handheld, colourful, flashing, beeping devices, tin exist very draining and a hidden energy vampire. Offer another, more than fatigue-friendly way to connect, like messages!

Check out these helpful blog posts:

• How to speak to people with disabilities. Aye, seriously.
• Holding Space for Illness and Pain

For a Friend or Loved 1 Who Has Been in the Hospital For Tests

Remembering means everything here. Having tests in the hospital can be scary, painful, confusing… and sometimes boring! People don't generally go to the infirmary because they are well and happy, then they are probably going to be hurting or scared.

If you know when they are due for the tests, transport a card beforehand, ship them vibes on the day of and send cards afterwards, while they are waiting for the results. You don't desire to overload them, but be in that location through the process.

Yous can ask if they'd like to continue getting cards with no need to respond. And ask what they want to hear almost – practise they want you to share details of potential new treatments you lot've read about? Do they nonetheless want to hear virtually your ski holiday if they can't go anymore? Would they similar news of your children if they've just lost a babe? The answer is individual. It might be as well painful or they might need to hear it more than ever.

Sending poems and quotes that are strengthening or heartening may be welcome.

Bank check out these helpful web log posts:

• Emotional Rescue: A Poetic Refuge
• How to Support People with Illness
• When It Hurts More Than You Can Bear, Read This

For a Friend or Loved Ane Who Has Been Sick Just Doesn't Have a Diagnosis

Believe them. Remind them who they are, how you run across them, reassure them that you all the same care well-nigh them and are going to support them through the journey of diagnosis and treatment. At the terminate of the twenty-four hours, a diagnosis is a label, something nosotros put on a collection of expressions (or symptoms) the body is having. For some people a diagnosis is a relief, finally they have an explanation for why they feel every bit they do. It tin can exist a day of celebration because at present treatment can kickoff, or they can begin accepting the way things are, at present that they understand what's happening.

For other people diagnosis tin be dreaded, the label can feel like a penalization or a sentence.

Nonetheless other people meet diagnosis as the Holy Grail and it's hard non to accept ane. Just 'no diagnosis' doesn't mean 'no illness' or 'no struggle' and people without a diagnosis need support just as much as someone with one.

"When we ask ourselves which [people] in our lives mean the almost to united states of america, we frequently find… information technology is those who, instead of giving communication, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender mitt. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hr of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, non healing and face with united states the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."– Henri J.M. Nouwen

Check out these helpful weblog posts:

• Diagnosis, What Diagnosis?
• five Ways to Support a Loved I

For a Friend or Loved 1 Who is Grieving

Vulnerability matters here. We want your words to exist empathic and congruent, but not make the recipient your grief counsellor.

Information technology's not their task to console you, and you tin can express your regret without overwhelming them. If this feels difficult, tin can you lot write a journal entry first? Write out everything you are feeling then pick the parts you'd like to share with them. Deal with the feelings and fears the situation brings up in you. Grief and illness are parts of life we will all experience.

It'due south important not to impose your beliefs on someone else, so don't say things like "They are in heaven" unless you lot know the person shares that conventionalities.

It tin be most comforting to acknowledge how they are feeling without trying to fix it. It'southward meliorate to accept what they are feeling than try and chivy them out of information technology, or convince them to not exist deplorable. Then please don't write things like "At least you have your children/family/another kid" or "You are young, you'll find someone else/marry over again". They wanted and loved this person.

Y'all may be reading this thinking, I wouldn't write that! But people practice, often considering they are grieving themselves or the magnitude of the loss scares them so they try and minimise it.

Do make sure to mention the person who died. Many people who have lost a loved 1 fear they will exist forgotten.

Stay in touch, fifty-fifty if you feel awkward, even if y'all don't know what to say. It's meliorate to exist in that location and risk making a mistake, saying the 'incorrect' thing and sticking through the friendship to repair it, than just disappearing.

Check out these helpful resources:

• 2d Firsts and my interview with the founder, Christina Rasmussen
• The Grammar of Grief

I hope this helps you lot to achieve out to a loved one. I am wishing you good days, warm hearts and lovely letters.

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Pretty By Post has made it really piece of cake for you to exist prepared with our Sympathy Curated Collection. Exist certain to sign up for the PbP newsletter so y'all tin can go instant access to the resource library, which includes a pretty PDF version of this blog post that yous can download. You'll discover other cool free stuff in the resource library like printables and worksheets, to assist you stay organized and make information technology as easy as possible to send cards and spread love.

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Grace Quantock is an award-winning international health expert, motorbus, writer and motivational speaker. She is founder of Healing Boxes and Grace Quantock Trailblazing Wellness.

Grace is recognised as a trailblazer by thousands of people who have seen her speak and participated in her programs. She regularly guest tutors at universities and training programs and coaches clients internationally. Currently living – and thriving – with often debilitating affliction, she knows, firsthand, the emotional and physical roller coaster that accompanies diagnosis and life struggle.

Awards include a Future Young Leader of Wales Award and multiple wins in the Peachy British Entrepreneur Awards 2015 (Social Enterprise and Eco categories). Grace is featured in The Times, The Huffington Mail, Marie Claire magazine and Positive News and gave an internationally renowned TEDx talk.

Grace loves gardening, painting and she firmly believes that life is meant to exist celebrated.

alvaradodedishe.blogspot.com

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